I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
