matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
