I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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