Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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