The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
