is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize