My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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