I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The air taste purple.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
