I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
