remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
