Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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