remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
