I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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