Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
