oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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