It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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