He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
