why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
