I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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