i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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