If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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