I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
