i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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