why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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