Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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