i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
