Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
