It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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