he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
