You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
