like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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