My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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