He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
