he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
