Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
