I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
