I smell stomach acid.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He? As in you personified your dick?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
