The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
