I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
