the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
