Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
