I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
