I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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