Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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