So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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