he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize