Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
