Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
