So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
