fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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