Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
