Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
