Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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