matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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