this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
now i know why i became what i already was.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I did not marry a roomba.
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