How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
