batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
