Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
