Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
