go do what you do best...puke behind churches
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is it penis luge time yet?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
