I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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