i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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