I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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