I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
