he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
