Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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