Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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