I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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