I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I love you. Go after that dick
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
