Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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