he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
