I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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