..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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