Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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